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Writer's Block: Oh no not I

When was the first time that you stood up for yourself? Were your actions justifiable? Looking back, would you have done anything differently?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh my goodness.
i remember it as if it were yesterday.
one of the best moments of my life.
there was some major roastage going on.

:D it was fourth grade.
hm..i suppose i should backtrack.
so, there was this girl, one of the first i'd actually met at the start of thrid grade. we became friends instantly.
i guess you can call it that kind of thing that kids do so unmistakably well; (boys better than girls) they make friends. effortlessly. it's like in kindergarten when you have to share your box of crayons? that one person you're trading colours with becomes your bff.
*gags* in some cases.
so, er, we became friends. and then my other friend, whom i've known from grade 2, became a part of our..group? well, it was a trio.
i actually remember it being really great, in the beginning. but then the one girl (who, basically, was the leader of our trio) became unbelievably bossy. controlling. or, she's probably just like that, naturally.
THIS BOSSY CHICK had to have it her way, or no way. i'm not even kidding. there was this one time, we were playing (yanno, cuz that's what third graders do) and she got real wet by splashing in this puddle. of course, she threw a complete fit, and decided it was only fair that me and my other friend suffer with her. -__- being the naive, brainless child that i was, i got myself soaked so that she'd feel better.
and another time, where she made us ditch choir, (ms.basil, 404?) when neither of us (my friend and i) wanted to. [alright, so they might've joined because of me, but any person in their right-mind would never EVER miss choir! you're as good as dead!] choir is everyday at lunch. after lunch, another, fellow-choir-mate informed me that ms.basil was, in fact, very pissed.
argh. honestly, now that i think back on this shit..i'm amazed at how much of a coward i was.
stuff like this repeated itself throughout the course of third grade; until the princess left early for summer vacay.

2 months later. fall, grade 4.
she's still not back, and my friend and i find ourselves in the same class.
she finally came back..what..maybe a week after school starts.
by this time, we've regained our senses, and possibly our sanity. we both are really good friends, and have even managed to make new ones.
(yes, i know. very cliquey.)
so, friend and i tell the rest of everyone about said bossy friend, and they just looked at us like WTF why don't you just tell her you're done?
this, we found, was a great idea.
so next recess, we scour (?) the playground for her, and instead, she finds us.
before i lose all my confidence and shrink away, i quickly blurt out, in the most oh-no-you-didn't voice i could manage, i say, "We don't want to be your friend anymore. We're done with you bossing us around." at which i turned and tried to storm away. (okay, well, i ran away, bcuz i honestly didn't want to see the look on her face.)

it felt good, baby. GREAT.
=] but then it also made me think; i realized i'm older than her, and i'm also bigger than here. physically.
i could've beaten her up without breaking a sweat. instead, this whole time, i was cowering, obeying her every command.
..you could say i was pissed. at myself.

i won't go into all the life lessons (yawn) i've learned, that i still carry with me. heck, i'm still not great at confrontations. but i guess i'm a working progress.
sometimes i wish i could be that girl who's not afraid of getting her hands dirty..
everything seems to work flawlessly in this head of mine.


goodnight cruel world, i'll see you in the morning.


Jul. 27th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)
You're a better man than me. I had a friend like that... of course, I acted like her friend to her face, and made fun of her behind her back. I'M A BAD PERSON. I cannot remember the first time I stood up for myself...
Jul. 28th, 2010 04:23 pm (UTC)
(: thank-you. well, i can't take all the credit. it was nice to have a couple friends on standby-yanno, to catch me if i..passed out, or anything.
hm..i think we've all done that at one point. i probably even do that more often!
the thing about this was, i was scared. shitless. even if there was a surge of relief, satisfaction, and triumph afterwards, i'll never forget how much i was shaking beforehand..you'd think i was getting married or something!

...standing up for yourself is hard. if i had it my way, i would never want to have to do it..