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Writer's Block: Oh no not I

When was the first time that you stood up for yourself? Were your actions justifiable? Looking back, would you have done anything differently?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh my goodness.
i remember it as if it were yesterday.
one of the best moments of my life.
there was some major roastage going on.

:D it was fourth grade.
hm..i suppose i should backtrack.
so, there was this girl, one of the first i'd actually met at the start of thrid grade. we became friends instantly.
i guess you can call it that kind of thing that kids do so unmistakably well; (boys better than girls) they make friends. effortlessly. it's like in kindergarten when you have to share your box of crayons? that one person you're trading colours with becomes your bff.
*gags* in some cases.
so, er, we became friends. and then my other friend, whom i've known from grade 2, became a part of our..group? well, it was a trio.
i actually remember it being really great, in the beginning. but then the one girl (who, basically, was the leader of our trio) became unbelievably bossy. controlling. or, she's probably just like that, naturally.
THIS BOSSY CHICK had to have it her way, or no way. i'm not even kidding. there was this one time, we were playing (yanno, cuz that's what third graders do) and she got real wet by splashing in this puddle. of course, she threw a complete fit, and decided it was only fair that me and my other friend suffer with her. -__- being the naive, brainless child that i was, i got myself soaked so that she'd feel better.
and another time, where she made us ditch choir, (ms.basil, 404?) when neither of us (my friend and i) wanted to. [alright, so they might've joined because of me, but any person in their right-mind would never EVER miss choir! you're as good as dead!] choir is everyday at lunch. after lunch, another, fellow-choir-mate informed me that ms.basil was, in fact, very pissed.
argh. honestly, now that i think back on this shit..i'm amazed at how much of a coward i was.
stuff like this repeated itself throughout the course of third grade; until the princess left early for summer vacay.

2 months later. fall, grade 4.
she's still not back, and my friend and i find ourselves in the same class.
she finally came back..what..maybe a week after school starts.
by this time, we've regained our senses, and possibly our sanity. we both are really good friends, and have even managed to make new ones.
(yes, i know. very cliquey.)
so, friend and i tell the rest of everyone about said bossy friend, and they just looked at us like WTF why don't you just tell her you're done?
this, we found, was a great idea.
so next recess, we scour (?) the playground for her, and instead, she finds us.
before i lose all my confidence and shrink away, i quickly blurt out, in the most oh-no-you-didn't voice i could manage, i say, "We don't want to be your friend anymore. We're done with you bossing us around." at which i turned and tried to storm away. (okay, well, i ran away, bcuz i honestly didn't want to see the look on her face.)

it felt good, baby. GREAT.
=] but then it also made me think; i realized i'm older than her, and i'm also bigger than here. physically.
i could've beaten her up without breaking a sweat. instead, this whole time, i was cowering, obeying her every command.
..you could say i was pissed. at myself.

i won't go into all the life lessons (yawn) i've learned, that i still carry with me. heck, i'm still not great at confrontations. but i guess i'm a working progress.
sometimes i wish i could be that girl who's not afraid of getting her hands dirty..
everything seems to work flawlessly in this head of mine.


goodnight cruel world, i'll see you in the morning.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 27th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)
You're a better man than me. I had a friend like that... of course, I acted like her friend to her face, and made fun of her behind her back. I'M A BAD PERSON. I cannot remember the first time I stood up for myself...
Jul. 28th, 2010 04:23 pm (UTC)
(: thank-you. well, i can't take all the credit. it was nice to have a couple friends on standby-yanno, to catch me if i..passed out, or anything.
hm..i think we've all done that at one point. i probably even do that more often!
the thing about this was, i was scared. shitless. even if there was a surge of relief, satisfaction, and triumph afterwards, i'll never forget how much i was shaking beforehand..you'd think i was getting married or something!

...standing up for yourself is hard. if i had it my way, i would never want to have to do it..
Jul. 27th, 2010 06:49 pm (UTC)
Erm, okay, my two cents. Uh. For most of elementary, this wouldn't've been a problem because I was a commanding little shit and everyone pretty much did what I wanted because I said so. Uh. Uhuhuh. And the friend Chron is talking about - yeah, I had loads of those. I pretty much lead my other friends into revolt against Nata... this girl and Anush... this other girl. Good times.

Anyways. I AM CONFUSED. I know there was that big thing in grade 4 (because I was fucking involved fffff) and I think you're talking about it here, but I can't pinpoint who is who. SO NAMES PLZ. PLZPLZ. Because I thought there were four of you. And it was one of yous birthday. My memory sucks.

Ms. Bassiiiill. Lawls, I liked her. Did she leave?
Jul. 28th, 2010 04:21 pm (UTC)

you are CONFUZZLED. naaaaw..i don't think i had met you yet, actually. but the chick, her name was miriam? ring a bell? & of course you know asma. the 4 of us, i remember that was mostly 5th grade? angy, asma, alda, & i? hm.
*sigh* OOOOOH. THAT SHIT. erkserks. well, we're all sort of friends now. if not that, than we've gotten above that. :/ but i remember dat.
OHMANS. elementary is seemingly becoming even more dramatic than high school..

i think so. i liked HER NAME. ms.basil. haaaaaaaarhaaaaaaaaar.
it sounds somewhat..elegant.
Jul. 28th, 2010 04:34 pm (UTC)
404 reminisces, and that is why this comment is so long
You are slowly becoming exactly like me and it is scary.

Hm, really? Because I swear I got in trouble with the office for that in grade 4. When I tried to start a "war". This was with Silina, Laila, Brianne? And then, of course, everyone else in the entire universe? I don't remember who you were friends with after that, because you just became exclusive again, so I just focused on my minions instead. We weren't even really amazing friends in grade 6. We became bros in grade 7, so...

I think I remember you complaining about her, actually. Yeah, grade 3 is really murky. Because I hung out with different people who all moved and then I was sad because I had no friends the next year. But anyways, I didn't like her either. I didn't like that class in general, but every time I saw her, I just thought "Wouldn't it be so easy to push you over hurrhur" and I didn't even know her.

DUDE, elementary was BADASS. LOOK AT US BEFORE - GETTING INTO FIGHTS, GETTING CALLED TO THE OFFICE, REJECTING PEOPLE AND MAKING THEM OUTCASTS AND RULING THE SCHOOL. The one rebellious thing I did after that was be late for school. Yeah, that once in grade 8. And I apologized so hard for that.
Jul. 28th, 2010 04:35 pm (UTC)
DAMNIT, I like Ms. Basil too. Because she liked me. That was good.
Jul. 28th, 2010 08:33 pm (UTC)
Re: 404 reminisces, and that is why this comment is so long
B-D how so?

aw, heck. there were so many situations going on like that, i stopped keeping track! laaaaaaaaawlsies. i remember that. i remember how bouncy you were, the LOOK on your face when you told us about your brilliant idea. we all thought it was jokes. but we all did it anyways! however, laila & i were just like to ms.humphrey WE DID SHIT! 2348029u4ojsf;laskjroewi we were TERRIFIED. =o
..i became EXCLUSIVE? you sound so red-carpet. wot?
-___- you mean, we became braaahs in gr.7..;D
ohyeas. you in ianni's class. it's like everyone there shunned out the rest of us!


f'realz. (: *sigh* those were the days. although, i don't think i did much of the outcasting-i sort of tagged along with the rest of 'em. like..like a pet.

^.^ yea, okey-dokes. to be honest, i don't remember you being late..well, i do, but the memory's blurred.
(; LITTLEMISSTARDYOVAHERE. or, we all just forgot..
Jul. 28th, 2010 10:29 pm (UTC)
Re: 404 reminisces, and that is why this comment is so long
Vocabulary choice, for a start...

This tells us that you were the trouble-maker of the school, srsly. You attract this kind of stuff.
You and your group of friends were exclusive. You were so tight knit that everyone else only got to talk to you without ensuing paparazzi on rare occasions.
Nuuuuu, people on omegle say "brah".
AND nuuuuuuuuuuuu, you guys CHOSE to be SHUNNED. You didn't make any effort to try to convince us you were worthy of our royal bequests uhurhurhurrr.

You held power in grade 4 - what are you talking about?
But yes, nostalgia trip. I swear, I wasn't close to being this obsure back then.

I... I have the late slip to prove it. IT HAPPENED I SWEAR. But pretty much everyone just laughed at me. "Ohoho, you think you're cool now? You're sorely mistaken ahahahaha."
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )